Outgrowing Community Theatre?

Well, I'm cranky today ... for a number of reasons. And I'm not going to get into the major reasons. This is my theatre blog, though, so I will talk about my theatre-related crankiness. (Shocking that the thing I love so much can make me cranky!)

I auditioned yesterday for 1776. Only two women's roles in the whole show. It's far away, but I think it would be a relatively fun show to do. And Adam and Jeff auditioned, so I could possibly do a show with my husband and a friend, which would be nice. I think I did a good job, and I'm not desperate to be cast in this show — so on the whole, I feel pretty comfortable. But ... I feel discontent. Am I becoming complacent? Am I getting into that rut I've feared of only auditioning for community theatre shows and not reaching beyond? I worry that I'm being egotistical or deluded when I think "I am so much better than this! I deserve more than just hoping to be cast in community theatre!" But I don't think I am either cocky or insane. I think I've kind of outgrown standard community theatre.

And it's not because of talent. There are a lot of very talented people in community theatre (and some moderately and some not-so talented people).

It's because of how seriously I take it. Here's the current situation that has been happening recently. The cast has a rehearsal to learn the dance. They get it down pretty well. Then a week or so later, we do that same number. They've all forgotten the dance. So the choreographer has to teach it again. They get it down. Then at the next rehearsal, the dance is forgotten again. The choreographer teaches the steps yet again. Meanwhile, I stand there patiently and politely (because I'm not in this dance, though I'm onstage singing).

Last night, after learning the same dance for the third or fourth time, we moved on to a dance (that I am in) that we had done only once before. Some of us were practicing the dance while we were on break, and they said, "Ooh, Kristin's got it!" I said, "Well, I practiced it." They looked at me as though I'd grown an extra head. Seriously, I don't have some kind of magical talent unavailable to the rest of the cast. I go through my dance steps a couple times a week. Simple. It doesn't take that long. So I work on my stuff, and then find myself among people who haven't thought about the dance since the last rehearsal and then wonder why they've forgotten it. At 9:27 the choreographer said, "Let's go through this a couple more times." A cast member said, "It's 9:30. Rehearsal is over." If you're so desperate to leave, why are you there?

I love theatre so much. I care about doing as good a job as I can. So I put work into learning my lines and my dancing and my music and being professional and attentive during rehearsal. I long to be with other people who take it as seriously as I do and who care as much as I do.