Vanity vs. Truth

The truth of the character or the show should come first. It should come before an actor's personal vanity.

At the same time, I understand the urge to look as good as possible. Where's the dividing line?

I apply powder foundation and a light coat of mascara (forgoing my usual colorful eyeshadow) to be Mary Tudor at the ren faire. And, given that makeup has been used for centuries and the makeup in question is completely natural looking, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But I must admit that I do it for the sake of my own vanity.

The line is crossed when vanity interferes with truth.

Such as a fellow actor in Urinetown not wanting to accept the fact that her character is rough, dirty, unglamorous and unfeminine. Such as instances of actors making inappropriate modifications to their costumes in an attempt to look sexier.

I've seen this happen many times. At times it's a small thing that, while it might not be "truthful," doesn't interfere too much with the truth of the character. At times it's done by someone who's new to acting or doesn't take acting too seriously. ... And at times, it's a big thing that does interfere dramatically with the truth of the character and is done by a "serious" actor who should know better. It's then that my tolerance wanes. I don't have respect for actors who so completely put their own needs above the needs of the show.

I am thinking of specific people, but I'm keeping it general because it happens often and is something to consider beyond the specific instances.

... And it's something for me to keep in mind when I'm wanting to feel prettier (or smarter or sexier) than my character.

Assorted Thoughts

The first week of the renaissance festival is over. I had a great time. Mostly it's about the fact that I haven't outgrown my inner 7-year-old, who wants to be a princess. Getting dressed up in a fancy dress and playing pretend is still satisfying. I love dancing in big skirts. I love feeling transformed. Also, I did the chess match perfectly. They said that historically there have always been cheat sheets of some kind for the chess match, but I had it totally memorized without it.

I am glad that I have the ability to memorize lines so well. I am perfectly comfortable in Urinetown at the moment and able to focus on character because I'm not struggling with lines. ... And if I get cast as Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, which I'm planning to audition for, that ability would be very welcome! (The first act is more or less a huge monologue from her. Daunting but exciting!)

Urinetown rehearsal tonight. Tuesday's rehearsal went well and redeemed the previous week's obnoxiousness.

A Rare Grumble

I don't complain about rehearsals often. I love rehearsals. For some people they're a chore. For me, it's just another chance to do what I love. (I don't act, sing or dance for audiences; I do it for me. So I love it even when there isn't an audience.)

But rehearsal last night left me in an extremely grumbly mood today. The cast is young, with a lot of teenagers. And most of them spend their time talking and carrying on — and not paying attention. It's annoying enough in itself. But when they forget their blocking or what they're supposed to be doing, we have to stop and go over it again. It's a big waste of time. Then, of course, people (adults, too) forget their lines or their choreography or their lyrics or their notes. And again, we have to go back and redo what has already been done. (Or relearn what has already been taught.) It makes the process frustrating for those of us who have paid attention and written things down and worked hard to know our lines and songs.

Plus, we have this frequently occuring situation where, instead of the director or choreographer coming to rehearsal with prepared blocking or choreography, they stand there and think about it and make it up on the spot. "Hmm... Let me try to figure out what I want you to do here." Granted, it's hard for one person to fully visualize moving 20 people around the stage, so there's naturally going to be some changes and some rearranging if something looks wrong or could work better another way. But at least have some starting point ready when you come to rehearsal (and know the song or scene you're working on)!

Also, our director is in the show. And I think he'll be good in the role ... in general. But it causes the problem you would expect: He can't watch the scenes because he's on stage. And he's not off-book in Act I (even though he presumably set the deadline for being off book in that act).

*grumble* *grumble*

And I'm further grumbly because I'm not scheduled to be at rehearsal on Thursday (dances I'm not in) and will be missing rehearsal on Saturday and (most likely) Sunday — so it will be a week before I have a rehearsal to redeem the last one.

The Fine Line

There's a fine line between confidence and ego. And there's a fine line between confidence and insecurity.

I am of the opinion that bad things happen when an ego gets overinflated. On the other hand, sometimes that delusional level of confidence is needed.

I had a one-on-one rehearsal yesterday to work with the musical director. Throughout my vocal performance (especially the high notes) I perform best when there's no room for insecurity. I perform best when I can trick myself into having an overinflated ego. I can sometimes struggle when I merely think, "Yeah, I'm pretty good." I nail it when I think, "Oh yeah, I am the most awesome singer/actor ever!"

The challenge is to be able to access that high level of confidence when needed and let go of it when it isn't appropriate. I want to have a big ego insofar as it helps my performance. I don't want to have a big ego where it could lead to cockiness or laziness.

The music director said to me yesterday, "Do you know what the director said when he heard you sing your final number the other day?" I said, "No, I don't know." And the music director told me, "He said, 'Wow! If she sings like that, she's going to steal the show.'"

That's the kind of compliment I didn't think I would ever hear. And now the challenge is to believe it and to harness the power of it ... without letting it go to my head.

Rehearsal thoughts

Rehearsal last night for the Green Mountain Renaissance Festival went well. I've learned my fight, which is fun, even though I lose. It's a bit tough on my knees, though. I have pressure bruises from the hard floor. Also, I tried on the bodice for my costume, which means I get a new dress this year. Hooray! We were supposed to be off book for the first scene, which I managed to do with no problem. (The chess match dialogue will be much more daunting.) I'm fortunate that memorizing lines comes easily to me. Otherwise, I'd be freaking out right now.

As it is, I feel over-committed and a bit overwhelmed. I'm still glad I'm in both shows. But I think that being involved in two shows is a bit too much — even as much as I love rehearsals.

Urinetown rehearsal tonight. Yay! I am loving the show, and it's going well. I'm nervous about a couple of things — my costar's reluctance to touch me and the fact that a couple of scenes we've hardly touched on (while others have gotten lots of attention) — but overall I think it's on track to be great.

In other news ... Can I quit my job and be a professional actor? Please?

Stealing the Show

I've never stolen a show before. It's something that's always fascinating to me, though. And, I'll admit it, I've always wanted to steal a show.

At times I've thought it's because I'm not in a big enough role. But that's not really true. Stealing a show is done by people specifically not in the leads. That's why it's called "stealing" a show. No one would ever say the actor playing Val Jean stole Les Miserables or the actor playing Eva Peron stole Evita.

Sometimes it's a function of the material: One character gets the funniest lines or one terrific song. That's why Joanne can so often "steal" Company from Bobby. It's why a character like Ado Annie can upstage the blander Laurie.

And material is always relevant. The funniest or most brilliant actor in the world would be hard-pressed to steal the show if it's a tiny and/or boring role.

But it's also up to the actor. If certain roles are natural show stealers, certain actors naturally rise to the occasion and steal the scene or show. And I think it's usually about being funny. (It's harder to steal the show with a dramatic performance than a funny performance.)

Everybody in Spamalot was funny. The material was funny and the actors were funny. But Christian Borle stole the show as Not Dead Fred and Prince Herbert. On the other hand, Christian Borle did not manage to steal Thoroughly Modern Millie in the somewhat tame role of Jimmy. It's a combination of role/material and an actor's talents.

In Urinetown, the whole cast is in agreement that one of the actors is going to totally steal the show. (It's not me. Alas! I'm still not funny enough.) Part of it is that she has good, funny material to work with. But she's in a relatively small — though featured — role. But her facial expressions and what she does with the role are so funny! You can't help but want to watch her. (It will be interesting to see if the audience finds her as hilarious and captivating as the cast does.)

Rehearsal Update

Rehearsals for Urinetown are going pretty well — some ups and some downs.

For example, last night I really did a poor job with my solos in "Follow Your Heart." On the other hand, my first solo bit in "Mr. Cladwell" (sung while the ensemble is singing something different) I did well enough to cause one person to almost start laughing and caused another person to say, "Wow, you were singing over all the rest of us combined!"

My costar (who wasn't there last night) was the subject of round mocking from the director for his objection to "touching girl parts." So there were many references to people's "contracts" and whether "touching girl parts" was disallowed. It was pretty funny.

I'm eager to be back at rehearsal to redeem myself for "Follow Your Heart."

A Great Compliment

At Tuesday night's rehearsal, we sang through several songs (including some with my featured bits). Then at rehearsal Saturday morning, the director raised his hand for a high-five and said to me, "You sounded great the other day! I was really impressed."

I'm discovering that the months and years of rejection have taken more of a toll on my confidence than I would like. So hearing something like that was wonderful.