The Fine Line

There's a fine line between confidence and ego. And there's a fine line between confidence and insecurity.

I am of the opinion that bad things happen when an ego gets overinflated. On the other hand, sometimes that delusional level of confidence is needed.

I had a one-on-one rehearsal yesterday to work with the musical director. Throughout my vocal performance (especially the high notes) I perform best when there's no room for insecurity. I perform best when I can trick myself into having an overinflated ego. I can sometimes struggle when I merely think, "Yeah, I'm pretty good." I nail it when I think, "Oh yeah, I am the most awesome singer/actor ever!"

The challenge is to be able to access that high level of confidence when needed and let go of it when it isn't appropriate. I want to have a big ego insofar as it helps my performance. I don't want to have a big ego where it could lead to cockiness or laziness.

The music director said to me yesterday, "Do you know what the director said when he heard you sing your final number the other day?" I said, "No, I don't know." And the music director told me, "He said, 'Wow! If she sings like that, she's going to steal the show.'"

That's the kind of compliment I didn't think I would ever hear. And now the challenge is to believe it and to harness the power of it ... without letting it go to my head.