Action

I'm feeling a bit trapped. Okay, I'm feeling a lot trapped. My sadness is maybe 10% related to Urinetown being over — and 90% related to nothing new beginning. It's like everything came screeching to a halt. (Or, rather, that with the end of the show, I realized how stalled I am with regard to my goals.)

It used to be that every few months I'd have a bout of "why am I not pursuing an acting career?" Those bouts would last about 2-3 days. And then I'd answer the question: Because I don't want to struggle financially in the big city and possibly never get anywhere. Because I don't want to give up a nice, comfortable home and great friends for so much less.

It's now been several months (at least six) ... and that question hasn't gone away. The pragmatic answer doesn't satisfy anymore. More and more I've come to feel that I can't ever really be satisfied and happy in my life if I'm not pursuing what I know I want more than anything. More and more I resent my job for not being what I want it to be.

I am happiest when I'm performing on stage. I thought I might experience a bit of stage fright during Urinetown because I felt like people (audiences) were judging me. But I never felt that. It only ever felt right and perfect and exhilirating. This is where I belong. This is where I feel happiest. This is where I feel simultaneously the most comfortable and the most energized.

Here's my list of things I can do to take action:

Continue voice lessons

Take dance class

Read plays

See more plays

Read some acting books

Save up money and pay down debt

Take acting class/lesson(s) if possible

Write a play/movie/skit/musical

Put together a cabaret

Get headshots taken

Prepare audition materials (monologues and songs)