What I Say ... and What I'm Really Saying

I've taken important steps toward stating my goals in positive, clear terms. I included it in my most recent bio. I tell people about it (friends, interviewers, fellow castmates, etc.).

I want to perform professionally. I want to act full-time.

And the challenge is not to qualify or weaken that statement. I've gone from saying "I think I might want ..." to "I want ..." most of the time. And that's an important change.

I felt good telling people at the cast party "I want to do this professionally." I knew that was important for me to do.

But I also realized that I was actually saying something slightly different. My actual words were "I want to do this professionally" or "I want to be a professional actor." What I was actually saying was "Don't laugh at me but ..." (That in itself is a good example to learn from acting-wise, how what we say can be different from what our meaning is.)

Or I sometimes said to people, "I'm thinking of going to theatre school." It's true. I am thinking of it for two reasons. First, it would give me more credibility and experience and boost my resume. Second, I am sincerely interested in improving my craft and in learning to be a better actor. But what I was really saying to people was, "You might not think I'm good enough to be a professional actor. I guess I'm not good enough. I'll go to theatre school so I can become good enough."

It's time for me to stop apologizing! This is what I want. I want to be a professional actor. I want to perform as often as possible. And I believe I am good enough. I am a very talented singer and actor, and I already have the skills to merit a career. I am just going to get better from here.

Pursuing an acting career has to have this weird balance of confidence and humility. Cockiness and ego are inappropriate, but at the same time, I have to have confidence in myself and belief in my talent in order to get anywhere. And as much as I believe that I am good, I know that I am far from perfect. I can improve. To stop learning and growing would be boring. I want to take my talent to new levels. That is something I look forward to very much.